Pain demands to be felt

All my life,I thought I needed a love interest,relationship or a partner to be happy.I did whatever I could to avoid being single.That means,I took alot of bad turns,made alot of wrong choices and tried to love alot of wrong people en all the times I ended up with hurt feelings and broken heart.

I think I was somehow naïve and had a poor mentality. I also can't tell why I trusted all men who came along saying that they loved me. My first days at campus seemed too nice. I had assured my heart that there should be no more pain since I knew I had got a soulmate. I even felt that I had found something much more precious. But damn! It never applies with these campus guys.

There is that one guy whom I had kept on admiring day after day and he had finally shoot his shot to me. Since I had a crush on him,I just gave in to his demands without hesitating....he was really fine and handsome,as per the appearance. His long sharp nose, fierce eyebrows were the Stark features of his face, his hair was thick and as black as raven's wig. My love, but never my lover

Having him beside me made me feel that the Almighty had already answered my prayers. I gave all of me to him. "the power of love," they say. And all the trust was for him only to find that it was just a monthly contract😓..He then started behaving wierd and that's when my eyes opened and I started realising that my time was over. The man had not gone any lose since he had done all what he intended to do. I never thought of my wildest dreams that stuff like betrayal and heartbreak were to happen to me again.

All the decisions to try to turn frogs into fairy tales had left my heart in pieces and my soul empty.The pain was even unbearable to me.

"But maybe I made it too easy", "maybe he took me for granted," all these rampant thoughts were killing me bit by bit. I was too much devoted to him such that I never cared about the world around me as he was my whole world. But I know I'm a witty and pretty girl and there are many guys who always run after me. I'll never budge an inch. I don't think if I'll ever entertain anyone leave alone these campus guys with their hair twisted to dreads and their colourful sweatpants.

I have been submerging myself into relationships and never have I faced those truths. Trying to chase love and looking for someone to love me the way I want has not yet worked for me.

I'll have to take back my magic and rediscover the person I had lost along the way. I just think that pain demands to be felt.

        But, isn't this what we call "FATE?"