NO MORE I LOVE YOUs

The more I know of the world, the more I'm convinced that I will never see a man whom I can love

sharp are the arrows of a broken heart, they say

This time I couldn't forget him, because I couldn't ever forgive him

I thought I had found my soulmate, but it turned out that you were just another lesson

it's painful how I tried so hard to be the perfect one, but instead you chose to be perfect for someone else..

The echo of your laughter and your ever glowing stare still haunts my Saul

Once upon a time, our relationship was perfect..

But now, what's left is just blank inbox, no more I love you, hours of loneliness, unshared emotions, late night cries, heartbreaking secrets, shattered dreams, deleted memories, fake smiles, broken trust, devious heartaches.... 💔

I wonder how I'm still breathing. This heart has been shattered, stabbed, cheated, broken but somehow still works

aaaw! God must have been gracious

It's now time we redefine love, as a "Five minutes pleasure, in a lifetime of pain."

Please, can we? 

Because, pleasure of love lasts, but a moment.

Pain of love lasts, but a lifetime..

Cursed is the destiny that allows some people to meet, when there's no assurance that they gonna be together forever.... 

COMFORT OVER FASHION, NOW AND FOREVER

Many are the times we as women prioritize fashion and style over comfort. One would rather wear as per trends and fashions regardless of the imperfections on their body; because we all think that fashion is what defines us.

Well, it's no news that your wardrobe says alot about you. We all believe that what we wear can inform a passerby of our type of employment, as well as our ambitions, emotions and spending habits but I think to us women, this doesn't apply much.

To me, comfort wins with an appalling gap. I personally enjoy wearing stereotypically feminine wardrobe items like form fitting clothing, dresses, pencil skirts, low heels, poufy sleeves, sheer blouses, lace camisoles etc. As long as this is what makes me feel comfortable leaving alone fashions.

Clothes are ever so revealing (our personalities) that is; what messages they are sending and how one can use their wardrobe to change how people perceive them- and how you also think about yourself as an individual.

Especially now with this economy with people losing status, maintaining a sense of who we are becomes even more important. Our clothes help place us be where we think we want to be. This believe makes women be more likely to marry a well dressed man than one who ain't as put together.

I think it's important first to know the parts of our body we want to highlight or downplay. When you know that, body type becomes less important the same as fashion. Just focus on your figure priorities.

Why wear a pencil skirt when you are aware of the shapeless bulges on your body while wearing it, just because it's fashion? I'm sure this finally causes discomfort and also adds an extra layer of low self esteem and lack of self confidence. 

It's true that mostly girls dress to impress fellow girls. Others also dress to impress men since they are sexually driven by what they see and this becomes easy for them to objectify women based on how they are dressed which is not right. Let's dress for comfort and also as per our styles. Impress yourself first and care less about what's trending as a lady.

Fashions you can buy but styles you can posses. The key to style is learning first who you are, which takes years. There is no road map to style. It's about self expression and above all, attitude.

I WILL NEVER BE OKAY... (THE MAKING OF A MEMOIR)

My name is Jacinta, a name that I've never loved because to me it sounds so wierd, but it's okay if that's what mama could do best. I don't blame her anyway. I've always seen myself as a very sloppy person, I've never loved myself either. I don't take proper care of myself, I don't take time for myself, I seek a lot of attention, affection and affirmation and I've never felt good, pretty or smart enough.

Well, I'm the only daughter in our family. I don't come from a well-to-do family but still I've never been that perfect girl my parents have always wanted. I've been messy all along, and sluggish in all the activities I was assigned to do. Since primary school, I've never missed in a list of culprits, I can't say that it was because of poor home life, I'm pretty sure that it's me who was the problem. I never used to perform well either..

After highschool, I was lucky that I miraculously joined campus. I had anticipated that those four campus years would be the best of my life, wueh! Such a fairy tale. I've never enjoyed anything in campus, not even the environment. Workloads, financial problems, homesickness all generates pressure. My transcript reads supplimentaries, missing marks and resits, I believe that I'm such a fool, with just an endless desire for people's sons. 

My life has been full of assaults and heartbreaks. I've failed in romantic relationships severally (mind not the many times). It's like I'm such a poor communicator, because now why do they always leave? Or it's me who has always made bad choices whenever it comes to this relationship thing. Some say that I'm egocentric, others say I got pride and others will say that they're insecure having me. It might be true but now about this, I don't think if I care anymore. Didn't y'all tell me that what was meant for me will definitely come? I ain't even romantic though... 

I've failed in friendships too. No matter how hard I try to just keep it alive, I'll at last turn out to be the 'snake' as them bad pals are called. I always see myself playing all my roles and I at times fail to understand why the friendship will always fizzle out. But maybe I just got a lot of expectations, of unattainable perfection.

Let it not be assumed that I'm striving for flawlessness in all areas of my life, but I'm an underachiever. It stinks being one, right? I've had so many ambitions, people have always believed in me but I got stuck on my ways. I've tried shedding off some of my bad habits like procrastination but it's still so hard to. I'm always delaying in sending emails and making important phone calls. I've tried improving consistency and productivity but it's all in vain. I've tried breaking my tasks into smaller manageable ones but it seems impossible. I'm such a less productive piece of sh**t.

I got such a rigid mindset. I'm never prepared. I'm never present at any moment of my life. Always on my phone waiting for notifications, filled with news, reddit drama and Elon Musk shenanigans.

 I've wasted alot of time by being excessively on social media, doing nothing important but doom-scrolling.

There's this lil voice in my head that keeps disgrading my actions and constantly reminding me of my past failures. Self criticism is about to win. I'm so much afraid of trying because I got that fear of failing which is almost paralysing me. To me, failure ain't an opportunity for growth and learning as you people say, but a very strong force that pull me down always. To hell my therapist, I don't see myself being okay anytime soon.